Cliche end of the year post!

What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet!

It's New Years Eve!

Tonight the world will say goodbye to 2011 & hello to 2012!

I am always so excited to start a new year.

I find it incredibly exciting to have a fresh start & to be able to imagine all the wonderful things that 2012 will bring. 

I'm not really one to make New Years Resolutions simply because I try to make commitments to better myself whenever I feel like I should.

However, after 2 weeks of break, from work, from my usual routine, from my usual people, I feel like it's time to put into play some small daily practices that could work together to make me a better person.

So I guess if you have to, you can call them New Years Resolutions, but I like to call it..... 

Ways to be a Better Person in 2012:

 

Watch Less TV- I had been doing pretty well not watching much TV & I still really don't, but I find myself turning it on to drown out the silence or because I have a moment to sit & do nothing. But, TV is pretty terrible these days. Minus a few of my favorite shows (How I Met Your Mother, Modern Family, SNL) I don't care about any of it! Not to mention we only have like 15 channels because we only get basic cable. I can do things other than have the TV on. Such as....

Read More- Instead of watching TV, I'm going to read books. I love to read! I don't really know why I choose TV over reading! Especially when I have plenty of books here that I haven't read before.  

Write Letters- Who doesn't enjoy getting a good letter in the mail?! Everyone loves it! Plus, it's usually a surprise. No one tells someone they are going to write them a letter. You just do it & send it & the receiver gets a happy surprise! My friend Lindy writes people letters every so often to encourage them or just to say she's thinking about them & I think that's just marvelous.

Become a Master Chef- If you've read any of my blog before, you'll know that I'm trying to learn to cook. I want to be able to make yummy, healthy meals.  I got in a rut of eating the same exact healthy things over & over again until just the thought of eating those foods makes me sick. I need variety! And that means I am going to have to make the time to cook real meals. I can do this!

Stop Thinking- This one might sound a little strange, except to those of you who truly know me.  I think TOO MUCH. My brain never turns off. I over-analyze literally every aspect of my life.  Sometimes to the point of having panic attacks over nothing! It's a trait I inherited from my dad & it drives me crazy. I'm going to work on being very conscious of what my head is doing & making sure I'm not letting it go down some random road to freak-out-town. I'm not in control anyway, God is. So my over thinking is doing absolutely NOTHING for me.

This is all I've got for now.

Not to say that those are the only ways I can improve myself, trust me, there are plenty other things that need tweaking!

I'm feeling good about life & the new year.

Can't wait to see what happy things await me in 2012! 

I Believe Part One

I believe in the colors of the mountains in October.

I believe in the sunset as seen from the Max Patch, where I feel like I can see the entire world.

I believe in talking in British accents.

I believe that singing in the shower is good for one's self esteem.

I believe in long, flat roads that wind endlessly through farm land

I believe that it's important to know your family & to appreciate where you came from.

I believe in journaling.

I believe in front porch sitting.

I believe in card games & cheating to win sometimes.

I believe in staying up late to tell funny stories.

I believe that the world is more beautiful after it rains.

I believe in watching storms roll in.

I believe that live music is one of lives greatest gifts. Moments that can never be repeated.

I believe in the old hymns.

I believe in vintage jewelry.

I believe in waking up early & watching the dew melt.

I believe in drinking coffee. Good coffee. Lots of coffee.

I believe that popcorn is better when you mix M&M's with it.

I believe that a good game of truth or dare is the best way to make new friends.

I believe in painting when you're sad & I believe in painting when you're happy.

I believe in fireplaces.

I believe in that kind of breeze that only blows on the beach, filled with salt & heat & the smell of freedom.

I believe in skinny dipping.

I believe in taligating on Saturday afternoons.

I believe that real camping cannot be done in a camper or an RV. You're going to need a tent. Or maybe just an Eno.

I believe in glow sticks.

I believe that running is the best form of therapy.

I believe in the magic of Star Wars, Harry Potter, and the Lord of the Rings.

I believe that Scarlett sought Rhett out, apologized, & won him back.

I believe in campfires by the lake, with some friends, some trucks, & maybe a good dog.

I believe in funny movies. Not ones that make you cry.

I believe in mischief.

I believe in mismatched socks.

I believe in raves.

I believe that jazz music & rain make the best combination.

I believe that that most memorable moments are the random, unplanned ones.

I believe that life is hard.

I believe that my Savior has overcome this life.

I believe in change.

Someday

Our love is slow & easy,

But you don't even know it,

Well I've got nothing but time,

For you to recognize it.

"Someday" by Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors

listen here

Annie v. the Mouse

It's a single girl rite of passage, trapping the mouse in the house.
I feel as though it was just one of those things that I had to go through in my life.
Not that I lured a mouse into our home, but that it's just one of those events in life that in inevitable.
Well, I can check that one off my to-do list.

The mouse is no longer in the house.


Part 1:
I woke up last week and went about my normal morning routine, made some coffee and began to make some oatmeal.
Went to get a spoon from the silverware drawer and open it to find basically hundreds of mouse droppings.
Sick, I know.
I then scour the kitchen to see if the little guy has left us presents elsewhere.
He has.
In the drawer under the stove and in the space under the sink.
Fantastic. We have our first mouse.
So I call Scott, my boss and landlord, he says don't set up a trap with food because that really will lure more in.
"Free food!" think the mice, and meander into our house.
So I have my mom bring us some sticky traps that my grandmother had at her house.
We set up the traps where we found the droppings and then we wait.

Part 2:
Saturday morning, I wake up, make my coffee, eat an egg white omelet, and watch Sex & the City on E.
But then I hear it. A funny noise coming from the kitchen.
I tell myself it's the coffee pot for awhile, then I realize that the coffee stopped brewing a long time ago.
So I turn the TV off and go stand quietly in the kitchen.
Yep.
He's caught.
The weird noise is coming from under the sink.
An odd scraping sound.
(I need to say that until this moment I had not been afraid of the mouse in the slightest. I knew he wasn't going to attack me in my sleep or anything like that, but something about knowing he was there, under my sink, stuck in the trap, trying to claw his way lose, made my skin crawl.)
At this point I realize I can't do this on my own so I wake my roommate Jill up and make her listen to the mouse.
We tried calling Scott but he doesn't answer.
So we call Ben, Jill's cousin who lives on our street, but he doesn't answer either.
We quickly realize we have to get the mouse out on our own.
So we prepare.

Part 3:
I blocked off the doorways with various pieces of furniture in case he made a break for it.
We put boots on over our PJ's and put oven mits on in case he got violent and started biting.
Then, we opened the cabinet.
And he was there, but not really inside the trap. His tail was still stuck to it but he had obviously worked his way out of it somewhat because there was a CHUNK OF HAIR sticking to the bottom inside. Yuck.
So Jill arms herself with a pair of salad tongs and I grab a giant pot with a lid.
After taking a moment to muster up enough courage to pull the little guy out, Jill grabs the trap with the tongs and begins to drag it towards us.
This is when things get funny.
The mouse is still only stuck to the trap by his tail, so the rest of his body is outside of the trap and his front legs are outstretched trying to hold on to whatever he can grab.
Then as she gets him to the edge, about to fall into the pot, he clings on for dear life.
Jill likes to compare it to the scene in The Lion King when Mufasa is about to meet his doom. Haha.
So she throws it in the pot, I slam the lid on, and we just look at it for a second.
Then we hear him move which startles us and brings us back into action.
So I grab the pot and take of running towards the front door.
Thankfully this all went down at about 8:15 in the morning so I'm pretty sure no neighbors saw me run outside in boots and sweat pants, with hot pot holders on my hands, to dump a mouse in the trash can.
I sprinted to the trash can, emptied the pot, and sprinted back inside, collapsing on a chair.
Jill and I were feeling pretty proud of ourselves at this point.
We weren't really sure how things were going to turn out for the mouse at this point because he was still very much alive, just waiting on death, in our trashcan on the street.

Part 4:
Scott finally shows up.
Three hours later.
We tell him that we have things under control and that we did it ourselves.
So the three of us go look in the trash can.
And the little mouse is just chillin in there.
Looking up at us.
(Until this moment, Jill had not had an ounce of empathy for this mouse. She was terrified of it and wanted it dead. But when she saw him so scared and lonely she began to feel sorry for him).
Just so happens that there is a cat rolling around in the driveway next door.
Scott calls it over and it starts rubbing up on our legs.
Then Scott reached into the trash can, retrieved the mouse, and set it on the ground.
Jill at this point is standing on the back of Scott's car. Not on the ground. To keep away from the dangerous mouse.
So we're thinking that the cat is going to devour this little thing right in front of us.
But no, this cat is insane.
Pretty sure he was under some kind of heavy dosage of cat nip because he just kinda sniffed at the mouse then rolled around in the middle of the street.
What kind of cat doesn't eat a mouse?
I guess that I'm glad we didn't see that go down. Yikes.
Now, we're just kind of ready to put the mouse out of his misery, so Scott takes a sealable bag out of his car and squeezes most of the air out of it.
Then he picks up the mouse and the trap and tries to pull the mouse off of it.
He succeeds in pulling the mouse apart from his tail.
Yeh.....
Things are getting ugly.
The mouse went into the bag, Scott sealed it up, put in inside a trash bag, then put it all back in the trashcan.
And that whole ordeal ended.

Part 5:
I found more mouse droppings this morning.
So good news, there was more than one mouse.
But this time, I'm ready to take him on!

PS: anything that the mice may possibly have touched has been washed multiple times now. also, Jill and I deep cleaned the whole house after we got rid of the mouse. not gonna put up with this ish.

Me, Myself, & My Kitchen

A goal of mine in life is to be a master chef! 

For many years, my friends never really asked me to cook anything.

I'm not sure if that's because they wanted to showcase their domestic capabilities or because they believed me to be a bad cook.

Either way, I didn't do too much cooking.  My dishes were limited to a few family recipes for cake, cookies, & deviled eggs.

But these days, as a single working girl, I feel that it is my duty to learn how to use my kitchen. 

I'm starting off slow, but I'm conquering new recipes weekly! I aspire to one day cook as fancy of a dish as my roommates, Katie & Hannah.

It's not easy living with gourmet cooks!

This week, I've conquered a new recipe for black bean & corn dip. I know it doesn't sound complicated, it isn't! But it is delicious! I've made it twice this week.  We served it with sweet potatoes at roomie dinner & devoured every bit of it!  I got it here, where the writer suggested serving it with regular baked potatoes.  It also tastes good as a cold dip served with chips!

I also made these tasty crackers! They are very simple & take about 5 minutes to make.  I made them as a snack to offer people when they come by the house. Tis the season! All you need is a package of Ranch Dressing mix, 2 teaspoons of crushed red pepper flakes, & 1 cup of canola oil (although that seemed like too much to me, so maybe less).  Just mix your ingredients together and pour over16 ounces worth of unsalted crackers in a seal-able container. These crackers have a spicy kick to them!  Which keeps me from eating a bazillion of them! 

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Christmas is my favorite holiday.
I love everything about it.
Especially giving gifts, decorating, & tacky sweater parties.
This year, we're going as Gold, Frankincense, & Myrrh.
Here are some shots of Christmas at my house thus far!

*disclaimer: my computer is ghetto and wouldn't upload the pictures in the good quality in which they were taken. oh well!

Merry Christmas!

Boldly...as I ought to go

Is it too early to be making New Years resolutions?
I'm going to make mine anyways.
I write the word BOLDLY on my wrist sometimes to remind me to act & speak in that way.
Not bossy or condescendingly, but confidently.
I heard this summer that I can come off as kind of intimidating sometimes, which really surprised me!
I guess that's because I would rather not get rejected. DUH.
But I want to fix that.
I truly want to be bold in everything I do.
Especially when it comes to talking to my high school friends about Jesus.
How important is that? Uh the only the most important.

But it can be so intimidating to work Christ into the conversation & most of the time that's the last thing they want to talk about.
I so want to though. I so want to share. More often than I get to.
And I want them to see Christ making me bold! Because I couldn't do anything without Him!
No one is going to listen to what I have to say if I do so in a timid manner.
No one will believe me if I am not confident in what I say.
I have to believe in myself before others take me seriously.


One of my friends (that shall remain nameless to protect her reputation) was bold enough tonight to tell a boy that she likes him.
She did it through Facebook message & I'm sitting there thinking "No way! I can't believe you're doing it! What if he doesn't care? What if he's like 'uh sorry no'? I could never do that!"
And my friend said "Sometimes you just gotta lay it out on the line".
But that terrifies me!
I really don't think I could.
I'm not good at sharing emotions number one, number two I've only ever told a boy I liked him AFTER he told me he liked me first!
Ha.
I'm such a chicken.

I have Christ in my heart, He is near me always, so why do I not live as though He is in control?
As if He is rooting for me, wanting me to succeed, encouraging me continuously, & going before my every step!
Why do I live in fear & why am I so insecure?
I shouldn't be that way.
I am bold in many ways. Not afraid to try new things, I can share opinions, I wear crazy things sometimes, & I am not embarrassed to get up on stage an play stupid games to make kids laugh.
But I could be even bolder in my friendships with high schoolers & one day I'll have to be bold enough to tell a boy how I really feel.

So this is my New Year's resolution: To live BOLDLY as I ought to live.  I think my life could start looking even better than it does right now if I follow through with it.

It's a Heart Thing

"The heart of God is a heart that forgives, that cares, that reaches out & wants to heal.  In that heart there is no suspicion, no vindictiveness, no resentment and not a tinge of hatred." -Henri JM Nouwen

Well that sure hits the nail on the head.

I read that and it's kind of like a reality check.

Sometimes I think I have come so far, I have changed so much, I am doing things that I think please God, I am trying  to live my life for Him, and I may outwardly appear to have it all together.

But you get inside my heart and there are still some ugly scars.

There is most definitely some trash that needs taking out.

Is it possible for me to have such a heart?

I have been hurt by so many....I have hurt so many.

There is so much to forgive.

There is so much to heal. It's going to take quite a while.

I am so suspicious. I am so hesitant in friendships, relationships, life in general.

I am so afraid. To be hurt. To be made out to look like a fool. To lose people I love. 

There is certainly vindictiveness in my heart. My first instinct is to hurt someone as badly as they hurt me.

My relationship with my dad speaks to that.

He hurt me so I ignored him.

At first on purpose, then it just became inadvertent. 

We became strangers and that relationship still suffers.

Resentment? Oh I feel it. 

Hatred? I am trying so hard to abolish that emotion within myself.

Henri JM Nouwen is my favorite author...theologian...priest...?

He is all those things. I guess I could just say that he's one of my favorite people, even though I have not actually met him. I really enjoy reading his books!

This quote hit me in the gut.

I found it in the book In the Name of Jesus which is about Christian leadership. Great read!

It had such an impact on me because these are things I pray over on a consistent basis.

They are flaws of mine of which I am very aware.

And they are so sinful and so ugly.

I am ashamed that they are chained to me.

I want a heart like God's.

Can you imagine?

No hatred, no suspicion, no vindictiveness!

A heart that looks to forgive and heal!

Talk about freeing!

Holding grudges and resenting others hurts me more than it hurts others, so to have a heart that is free from all that...well it would be the most magnificent thing I could think of.

I want to be more gracious and loving. 

I want to be remembered as kind.

There are some people that will never know me as those things.  People who never saw the real me. People that I hurt and that hurt me.  Ties that have been broken that will never be fixed.

But I am not my past and I will not dwell in what was.

I know that Christ lives in me.

I know that I can have a heart like His.

I know that it will take time and effort on my part. 

But I know that He loves me and will carry me there.

I'm leaving you with a quote that Brooke shared in leadership one Wednesday night last year.  I printed it out and laminated it then put it on the mirror in our house because it gives me hope that I won't be my rotten self for forever!

"May you believe in God, but may you come to see that God believes in you.  May you have faith in Jesus, but may you come to see that Jesus has faith that you can be like Him.  A person of love and compassion and truth.  A person of forgiveness and peace and grace and joy and hope.  And may you be covered in the dust of your rabbi, Jesus."

That's the kind of person I aspire to be!

I Believe in a Thing Called Love

The most wonderful, happy thing happened last night.  My roommate, Katie, got engaged!!
Her boyfriend, now fiance, proposed to her in the middle of Tai food restaurant where they met up for dinner after about 2 months of not being together.
Does this sound crazy? YES!
Katie and Luke's story is pretty incredible (you can read more about it here).
It is definitely one straight out of the movies.
I kind of hate to say that, because movies aren't at all real, they tend to be cheesy, and they give false expectations.
But Katie's story is SO genuine and so unpredictable that it can't be anything but perfectly true.

The most beautiful thing about the whole situation is God's faithfulness.
Through her hurt and pain, Katie chose to trust in Him.
She didn't understand why she and Luke broke up and it hurt her beyond belief.
We're talking physical pain right now.
That pain that just sits in your gut, throbs, aches, and makes you want to cry and scream all at once, all day long.
But she got control of her emotions and handed the situation over to Christ, believing that His will and purpose will lead her into the life that she is meant to have.
She never stopped loving Luke, but she let go of the situation and put it in God's hands.
Little did she know that the man that broke her heart, was spending their time apart praying for guidance and trying to figure out how to win her back once and for all.
And he did.

Last night was one of the happiest nights of the lives of everyone involved.  To see Katie happy again, to see her smile, REALLY smile, and laugh, and cry, and jump was the most precious sight.
It was like she had been holding her breath for 8 weeks now, afraid of falling completely to pieces, and now she's alive again!!
God is so good.

If you know me at all, you will know that I am in no rush to get married.
My parents didn't exactly give me a reason to believe that marriage is worth it and I am still working on overcoming the "relationship roadblocks" that developed in the wake of their storms.
I am not obsessed with weddings or guys or all the fluffy, girly things that so many around here seem to dwell on and I am not always on the prowl for a boyfriend.
There are many people in my life who are in relationships that I just can't take seriously because it doesn't appear to me to be anything more than two people playing house, or two people making their lives work together to fit into this "Cleaver-esque" lifestyle.
So many people force relationships because they feel they are not worth anything unless they have a boyfriend.
So many people around here LIVE to get married. They seem to be under the impression that life doesn't even begin till you have a ring on your left hand and a mortgage to pay.
These relationships are formed by people with control issues, people who are used to getting everything they want, so they make their perfect, american dream, relationship happen.
To them, being married is a goal they must achieve
Just something else to mark off the 'to do' list.
Katie and Luke are NOT these people.
There is something so pure and genuine about the way they went about being in a relationship.

Those other people unrightfully pity me, because I'm not in a serious relationship.
It is unfathomable to them that there is happiness outside of one.
I cannot say enough that my future might be the only thing that I don't lose sleep over.
I have complete faith in the fact that if I give my life away for Christ to use for His purpose, that He will bless me with what he sees fit.
If I obey Him, if I dwell in Him, He isn't going to lead me astray.
I don't know if His plan for me includes a relationship, or marriage, or children, or TOMORROW!!
But I'm ok with that.
I have found contentment and happiness in Him.

I love what I do.
I love working with high school kids, I love watching Christ change their lives, I love being the one that gets to show them that there is a better life out there.
I don't mind dropping everything to hang out with them, infact I prefer to.
My relationships with my high school friends mean the world to me.
I want to give Christ my all, so that they can see and feel and experience His love.
The one love that is unconditional, never fails, and can complete us.
Agape love.
That is what is most important to me right now.

Maybe you think I sound bitter and jaded.
But you would be wrong.
I believe in love 100%.
I have experienced it.
I can hear it in the way Katie talks about Luke.
But because I have seen the "for worse" in a marriage (as couples often refer to in their vows), I know that marriage is nothing to be taken lightly.
If it happens for me, I want it to be because God placed someone into my life at the right time, we fell in love at the right time, and because we absolutely cannot imagine life without the other.
Not because I graduated college and thats the next step in life.

I do believe in true love.
I embrace it.
I want a story about crazy, mad love like Katie and Luke's.
I believe in fairytale endings and knights in shining armor.
But I also believe in letting Christ take the reigns and trusting Him with my future.

Congratulations Katie and Luke!
Your story is unique, inspiring, and strong,
I am proud of you both for stepping back from what you wanted to search for what the Lord wanted.
I'm SO glad he wanted you to be together too!
=)


PS: just to prove that I am romantic, check out this heart warming story that I read months ago and saved to my favorites page so that I can be reminded that "happily ever after" really does exist. The Yeager's Story and FYI it's definitely bittersweet.

"You have bewtiched me body & soul, and I love you" -Mr. Darcy, Pride & Prejudice the movie

No such thing as Alone

"In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me -- naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken -- nothing. It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something.  But that is not all.  As soon as I decide to stay in my solitude, confusing ideas, disturbing images, wild fantasies, and weird associations jump about in my mind like monkeys in a banana tree. Anger and greed begin to show their ugly faces. I give long hostile speeches to me enemies and dream lustful dreams in which I am wealthy, influential and very attractive-- or poor, ugly, and in need of immediate consolation.  Thus I try again to run from the dark abyss of my nothingness and restore my false self in all its vainglory. " Henri JM Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

Where do I start?

What do I say from here?

At our Young Life banquet last month, Scott told the audience that in a new survey conducted by MTV, young people admitted that the thing they were most afraid of in life is not losing their friends of parents, it's not Paranormal Activity 3, it's not Lady GaGa, the thing teens are afraid of most is being alone.

And I wanted to say "just teens?"

Are we not all terrified of being alone?

I think in this sense they meant it as, not having someone to turn to, not having any friends, never getting married, going through life alone.

But can't it mean, literally, the act of being by yourself.

Left alone with your real self.

No distractions, no background music, no nothing.

Just me and my thoughts.

Yikes.

When I was younger, maybe in middle school or so, I used to wake up in the middle of the night for no reason. I just would all of a sudden not be asleep anymore while everyone else in the house was tucked away in bed.

And it terrified me.

I would walk to my parents room to make sure my mom was still there. I would sit and read. I cleaned my room. I did anything to keep from being consumed by the darkness that only early morning hours brings.

Sometimes I had panic attacks thinking about how I was the ONLY one awake. 

I am the kind of person that likes to stay busy.
I love to be with people, go places, throw parties, have game night, basically anything that puts me around people.
But sometimes this is to my detriment.
I, like all those teens that were surveyed, am afraid of being alone.
And I am brave enough to say that I am afraid of what others will think of me if I am often alone.
They will tease me or worse, pity me, believing that it is not by choice, but because I have no friends, that I am alone.

Throughout college I never said no to an invite.
I almost always was up for doing something, ANYTHING, as long as I wasn't left alone.
I now look back on those times and diagnose myself as having a disease called FOMO, or the Fear Of Missing Out.
Being left alone was the scariest thing I could think of!
Who sits by themselves on a Friday night? Losers. Thats who.
Or at least I told myself that.
I think now I can admit that I was afraid.
I was terrified of being left alone with myself.
Because it is in these moments of solitude that Christ enters in and stirs up certain emotions and passions that complicate things.
He reminds me that I have a lot to work on and that this life isn't about me.
There is a bigger purpose.
When I am alone, He shows me the person He wants me to be as opposed to the person that I am.
I am reminded of my faults, of the things I so desperately need Him to save me from.
Things like anger, judgement, grudges, and resentment.

When I am left alone to face myself, things get real.
I don't like to confront my demons!
It's hard!
If I stay busy enough, if I am with other people, doing other things, I can pretend that I am ok!!
I can hide, I can cover up, I can keep living as though I have no issues.
But it is in these times of solitude that He sorts through my rottenness, my ugly, my embarrassing, my secrets, all the things that hold me back.

Not so long ago I would have dreaded being alone, but now I cherish these times.
Because it is in my solitude that I realize I am never truly alone.

For He is always with me.

"There in the vast stillness of desert solitude, we are gradually converted, unmade, and remade.  We become a fresh beginning. Wendy M. Wright

Why I Do What I Do

These are my friends Carrie & Taylor.

We had a sleepover at my house last night and, as most girls do these days, had a small photobooth photoshoot!

After which they introduced me to the video chat website Omegle.

I don't suggest it....

but the photobooth part was fun!

Peace

Peace.

It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.

It means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.

-unknown

Just Call Me George Bailey

In case you didn't know, I'm somewhat of a movie buff.

I love to go to the movies or just watch them at home.

My taste in movies is wide, varied, and all my own.

And of course, being the dramatic person that I am, I get lost in movies the way that you can get lost in books.

It's just fun to imagine right?

My very favorite movie ever is the old black and white Christmas movie about a man named George Bailey called, It's a Wonderful Life.

You may have heard of it =)

George Bailey is a terrific guy who makes all kinds of sacrifices so that others can get ahead.

He puts his plans to travel the world on hold to run the family business when his father dies, he gives the money he saved up to his younger brother so he can go to college. Then, when it's time for his brother to come home and take over the business, turns out he has gotten married and is going to work for his father-in-law. So once again, old George gets nowhere.

George's passionate desire to get the heck out of Bedford Fall's is squelched time after time.

Within the time constraints of the film, poor George never goes outside town limits.

But of course, as you know if you've seen this movie, George's call in life was to be in Bedford Falls. That's where he really made an impact whether he knew it or not.

He was right where he was supposed to be all along.

Lately I have been thinking and praying a lot about my future. I'm kind of living on a whim right now. Doing this year to year thing, living paycheck to paycheck, and loving it!

I'm a part-time Young Life employee only because I needed a year to decide if that's really what I wanted to do.

But I feel as if God is thinking "You just THOUGHT you needed a year, I KNEW what I wanted you to do all along."

So now comes the time where I choose to stay or go.

Stay in East Tenneessee....where I have spent my entire life, where my family is, where I can sometimes feel trapped and lonely, or, go somewhere, anywhere, a place I have never been,

somewhere no one knows me or my family, somewhere fresh and new and exciting.

But I think my heart is here.

Here with the kids that I have grown to love so very much over the past 5 years.

Here in the town that has more darkness than light.

In a place that holds so many happy memories and so many I would like to forget.

My place is here. Beside the middle schoolers I have just begun to build relationships with. It's with my high school friends who have changed my life when I was supposed to be helping change theirs. It's with the people here that have taught me what it is like to love Christ and love young people.

Sometimes I have this overwhelming desire to travel, see the world, take trips to exotic places, have adventures with crazy, beautiful people.

I think this has always been a part of who I am.

But, I also think this desire is semi-fueled by Steven, who lives in California, and does an obscene amount of cool things. I find myself comparing our lives and me thinking "I NEED TO DO SUCH AWESOME THINGS!!!"

But I think maybe I already am doing awesome things.

I mean, I'm not scaling mountains, or surfing up and down the coast, or camping out in the grand canyon, but I am doing Christ's work. Or at least making my best attempt to.

My town is the kind of town everyone wants to get out of, so if my call is to stay

here and love this community....I think that's pretty obvious it's what I have to do.

So I guess you can start calling me George Bailey.

Facebook Free

List of reasons I will no longer be on Facebook:

1. Facebook is fake. As my roommate Amy put it, "Facebook isn't even real. People only display the best parts about themselves." Good word Amy! This statement couldn't be any truer. And I am not leaving myself out of this. Most of us don't leave any unflattering picture untagged, we judge our statuses by how many people liked them, we post what the people want to see. There is little truth to Facebook. I am NOT my Facebook, trust me. The skeletons in my closet are still safely tucked away in the closet, not on display for all to see on the internet. And my skeletons aren't even scary, imagine all the people using Facebook who really do have things to hide!

2. I'd rather talk to you in person. If you really want to know what kind of person I am, don't read my info page on Facebook, pick up the phone and talk to me! We all make snap judgments based on the little information that we see on someone's page or even have a skewed idea of compatibility with someone because we both like 'John Mayer' in our music section. I value real relationships. The friendships that are worthwhile do not thrive because of Facebook, but because we spend quality time together. Basically 3/4 of my friends on Facebook are people that have nothing to do with my life on a daily basis anymore.

3. Boys are creepers. I'm tired of boys using Facebook as a way to hit on me. I didn't reply to your first message and I'm not replying to the 13th one either.

4. I don't care. There are some things that happen in life that should not be shared with the world. It depresses me to read all the ignorant things being shared through Facebook. I also hate to see things on my news feed about people that hurt me in the past. I'm woman enough to admit that some things still get to me and I'd rather not be reminded of bad situations.

5. I can do better things with my time. I don't feel as if I was addicted to Facebook, but once I got on, I was totally lost down the rabbit hole. I want to do better things with my life. I used to read all the time, I want to do that again! I want to learn how to play the guitar, how to be a great cook, I want to paint more, to be outside as much as possible, and to work on those worthwhile relationships I mentioned earlier.

So those are my top 5 reasons for deleting my Facebook.

I'm not judging people that keep one, not at all.

It just wasn't healthy for me personally.

Just some extra information: Last year I conducted my senior research project on Cyberbullying. Many of the articles I used in my paper pointed to Facebook as a primary means of internet bullying. I'll never forget reading that Cyberbullying can be more dangerous than physical bullying because of the content kids fill their Facebook with. As I said earlier, we all display our best qualities on Facebook. When kids are bullied online, when they are rejected, teased, made to look like a fool, or harassed online, it is doubly hurtful because they have put on display the things that are most important to them. Online, kids are being rejected for who they really are, as opposed to being bullied at school where, lets be honest, no one is ever completely themselves. This is why I hate to see so many young children on the Facebook network.

I'm not trying to say that Facebook is evil, just that maybe it shouldn't be taken so lightly.

How Great Thou Art

Every time I watch this, I end up with tears running down my cheeks & goosebumps up and down my arms.

Even if you don't like country music, you'll like this.

I wish I could sing this song like she does.

Maybe this is how God hears me sing it anyway.

After all, it's the meaning and the heart behind it that count.

I hope to find myself in awesome wonder more often than not.

You could call me obsessed

"She could not save her soul by burying her spirit"

I'm reading the book Dance, Children, Dance by Jim Rayburn III right now.

It's about his parents, Jim & Maxine Rayburn, the founders of Young Life.

So far, I have wanted to read and re-read every chapter. I think I'm going to have to read this book a million time before I can truly appreciate every word.

The Rayburn's story is incredible. I love it because it isn't one of those that makes living a Christian life look like a fairy tale.

There is no sugarcoating, no jumping over the messy facts, it's just the truth.

They had a beautiful life. By no means was it an easy life, but they did so many incredible things with their time on this earth.

The Rayburn's had their fair share of troubles. One of them being Maxine's depression and drug addiction (told you it wasn't easy).

Maxine had grown up with a strong will & free spirit, but once she got involved in "the church" she felt as if she had to be proper like the other pastor's wives.

She stopped dancing and wearing makeup, she changed the way she did her hair and what clothes she chose to wear.

She missed the fact that being a believer was about freedom, not religious rules.

She became so lost in the religion of Christianity that she was no longer herself.

Jim Rayburn wrote about his mother, "She could not save her soul by burying her spirit".

I think it's important to keep one's spirit intact.

Like Shakespeare said, "To thine own self be true".

Think of all the kids Maxine could have reached out to through her own quirky spirit if she hadn't gotten caught up in religious restrictions! Kids are drawn to extraordinary people! People who are not afraid to be themselves, people who are a little wacky. I would know, because as a few of my friends constantly remind me, I'm weird!

None of us can "save our souls by burying our spirits".

Christianity is not about adhering to a slew of rules and regulations.

Being a believer is supposed to save you from confinement like that! Christ wants us to be ourselves, not squelch the unique person he created us to be.

I hate that most of the world thinks that to be a Christian you have to be dull.

Sooooo not true!

It's a heart thing.

It's a love thing.

It's a life changing--reason to wake up in the morning--fills you full of life thing.

It should enhance your spirit, not crush it.

"So be who you are as created by God. In prayer say your own word, sing your own song, and be true to it." -John Eagan

thanksgiving: a month early

Every other week or so my mom send's me an index card in the mail with a thoughtful note, or a Bible verse, an excerpt from a book she's reading, or an insightful quote. The latest one that I received said:

"If you woke up this morning & all you had was what you thanked God for the previous day...what would you have?"

I guess that this sounds a little like something you would find on a church sign. Those cheesy sayings that they put out to pull people into church.

But it really did make me think.

It's so easy to get caught up in whats wrong with the world these days.

After all, there lots of terrible things going on.

But there is also plenty to be thankful for.

I know that traditionally Thanksgiving would be the time to reflect on what blessings are in my life, but when it comes right down to it, every day should be Thanksgiving!

Christ showers me with blessings daily. Through good times & bad.

So today, I'm going to highlight some things that I am most thankful for.

First, I am thankful to have a mom that encourages me so well. She has always been kind of a silent partner, working with Christ to lead me into the person I am meant to be.

She has been supportive of the good decisions I have made and has helped me overcome many of my greatest faults. Without her, I would be a completely different person than I am today.

I'm also thankful for my roommates. It is always kind of scary to live with people that you are so close to. I live and work with these girls so we spend lots of time together. Yes we wear on one another's nerves, I'm sure of it, but at the end of the day, I know that they've got my back. It's lucky for us that we all kind of have the same sense of humor, we're sarcastic, but goofy at the same time. We can often be found dancing wildly in the living room, sitting on the counters in the kitchen instead of our couches, or watching movies while eating popcorn and M&M's. They didn't care that I turned the dining room into my art studio and they usually don't mind when my incense makes our house smell like we had an indoor bonfire. What was once just a house is truly now a home.

I'm thankful for the community that I live in. Yes it is small. No there isn't a whole lot to do. But it is special to me. I like that there are still some places untouched by the fast life of the rest of the world. I like the cows and the hay bales and the little fishing boats on the lake.

I'm thankful for the high school friends I have made through Young Life. Who knew that some of the people I would love hanging out with the most as a college grad would be high school kids? I guess to some people, that sounds incredibly creepy, but it wouldn't if you knew about Young Life. So check it out, here . They keep me young and I love them dearly.

I'm very thankful for skype! Now doesn't that sound weird?! But seriously. I have friends in California, Illinios, Colorado, Texas, Florida, Alabama, North Carolina, and even Nicaragua. It is so nice to be able to see their faces when I talk to them. It's nice to text them and talk on the phone, but to see their smiles and tears and reactions to stories makes all the difference.

Random List of things I'm thankful for:

glowsticks. hummus. hammocks. sunrooms. rainy days. the smoky mountains. candles. pictures. twitter. the mcminns. pandora. frontporches. green tea. hair dye. nail polish. pita bread. el sazon. my grandparents. wild flowers. coffee. running. nice perfume. my ipod. scarves. letters. eyeliner. frog rings. and my best friends.

{life is good}

One of my absolute favorite books is a children's book.

"Harriet the Spy" has more depth to it than first meets the eye.

It's a story of an eccentric little girl who sees the world a little differently than most 11 year olds.

Harriet wants to be a world traveling spy when she grows up, so she spends her afternoons 'training'. She spies on her parents, her neighbors, her friends, and anyone else she can conveniently watch without being caught. Her best friends are made up of a mature boy she calls Sport, Janie, a mad scientist in training, and her nanny, Ole Golly.

Ole Golly is always encouraging Harriet to see the best in people and to appreciate the differences that make us who we are.

She helps to broaden Harriet's world, which otherwise would leave the little girl in a lonely, upper class world.

This book makes me laugh out loud as well as cry when Harriet's hurting.

I think it offers quite a but of insight into the soul of all young people, as well as my own.

Her feelings are raw and unguarded. She is brave and she is independent.

She is very much like me.

I'm going to post some of my favorite quotes from the book. Most of which come from Harriet's wise nanny, who plays more a mother role than her actual mother.

It wouldn't take but a few hours to read it, so go pick it up!

"Ole Golly says there is as many ways to live as there are people on the earth and I shouldn't go around with blinders on, but should see every way I can." -Harriet

"Well nonetheless, that's how you feel. Feeling never makes any sense anyway, Harriet, you should know that by now." -Ole Golly

"I feel all the same things when I do things alone as when Ole Golly was here. The bath feels hot, the bed feels soft, but I feel there's a funny little hole in me that wasn't there before, like a splinter in your finger, but this is somewhere above my stomach." -Harriet

"Tears won't bring me back, Harriet. Remember that. Tears never bring anything back." -Ole Golly

"Another thing. If you're missing me I want you to know I'm not missing you. Gone is gone. I never miss anything or anyone because it all becomes a lovely memory. I guard my memories and love them, but I don't get in them and lie down. You can even make stories from yours, but remember, they don't come back. Just think how awful it would be if they did." -Ole Golly

life lately

I started blogging again because I was inspired by my friend Katie Hayes.

We not only share a house, but a passion for photography as well.

Come to think of it, we do a lot of sharing! It's mostly me borrowing her cute clothes & her fancy camera and a little of her borrowing a cup of sugar of a glass of milk here and there.

But I digress.

Katie is so talented that she has not one, but TWO blogs!

One showcasing her fantastic photography skills & the other is simply about her life.

Both are beautiful in the way that only completely genuine things are.

I am lucky enough to be spending a great deal of time with Katie lately.

Lucky because she likes to get away from the small town we live in & so do I.

I'm hoping that she's ok with me "sharing" some pictures that she has

taken of our activities over the last month or so.

I am currently without a real camera or a smart phone, so my phone pi

cs don't do our travels justice.

Here is a sample of my life lately, through pictures (some mine, some Katie's).

We saw Mat Kearney in concert:

We went hiking at the Max Patch in North Carolina:

We had a photo shoot as well, but I'll let you see Katie's edited pic's on her actual blog, here

Time travel is real. And it is called Homecoming.

It is nice to know that while most things in this world change constantly, some things never do.

There will always be some friends, tried and true, that just do not fade into the past.

Sure, life pulls us each in different directions, and we all become more of our true selves and less of our dependent selves every day, but we will always be us.

I felt as if the past had found me this weekend.

I'm not one to hold onto what has been, I move on rather quick.

But it was so nice to be reminded of the good times.

My friend Sarah put it like this, "I don't remember the bad grades I made, but I'm sure that

I made them. I remember you all and all the marvelous times we had together."

We are older now and definitely wiser (although considering how absolutely insane we were that isn't saying much!).

But we are still us. Making the most of life.

Drumming to our own beat. Taking our time to settle down. Embracing life's changes. having a good time. Learning to love ourselves.

It's such a comfort to know that these girls love me.

Through everything we went through and though we have drifted apart.

Our friendships are true to the core.

It gives me that warm feeling inside.

I also have a renewed hope for the future, knowing that I have been blessed with friends that will follow me down whatever road I go.

And, that there will most likely be more people in the future that will bless my life as they did.

I'm looking forward to the rest of my life.

To the Full

I wonder what it's like to be at the end of your life, to be closer to your closing chapter than your beginning one. How does it feel to be able to sit & reflect on the place's you've been, the people that you've known, & the many experiences you've been through. Is it a comforting feeling? Is it sad"? Frightening? I suppose that depends on the kind of life you led.

By no means am I wishing my life away, but I do look forward to the day that I can say, "I have lived a good life. I have loved, laughed, wept, screamed, & sighed. I have seen & done all that I wanted. I am content."

My uncle Jude recently lost his wife, Margie. He had lived so long with her that to live without her is merely existing. During a pause in a family gathering the other night, Jude told me that he's waiting. That he is tired & ready to go home. This kind of statement could be such a sad one except that it just isn't. Of course he is tired! He's in his eighties. He has lived close to a century. And he really did live. He has reached the point, that I someday hope to see, where he can look back at his life with satisfaction & contentment, knowing that he left his mark. Moving on is not something scary to him. It is his reward for a race well run. It is something I believe he is looking forward to.

Probably my biggest fear in life is dying young. It really isn't right for me to live in fear of this, & I honestly don't dwell on it, but sometimes when I hear a sad story of a young person called home, I find myself praying that my story will not be as theirs. This world fascinates me. It thrills me & excites me & I want to be out in it. I want to meet people & hear their stories. I want to travel to places that will stretch my mind & challenge my character. I want to LIVE!

I want to love. Not just the get married kind of love. I want to love all types of people, the ones that I get along with, the ones that aggravate me, people that have the same beliefs that I do, & people that have no beliefs at all. I wan to love myself. I want to love Christ. I want to love the air & the sea & the mountains & the leaves & the sunrise & the full moon. And I want to love a man that loves me too.

I don't want to go through life at warp speed. I hope I can embrace every minute of every day. Even the not so good ones, because that is what life is all about. I never want to take my time on Earth for granted. It is truly a gift from the Lord & if I trust in Him, my life will be filled with blessings beyond my comprehension.

When I get to Jude's ages, I hope that I am tired too. Exhausted from simply living my life as I was meant to live it, to the full.