To the Full

I wonder what it's like to be at the end of your life, to be closer to your closing chapter than your beginning one. How does it feel to be able to sit & reflect on the place's you've been, the people that you've known, & the many experiences you've been through. Is it a comforting feeling? Is it sad"? Frightening? I suppose that depends on the kind of life you led.

By no means am I wishing my life away, but I do look forward to the day that I can say, "I have lived a good life. I have loved, laughed, wept, screamed, & sighed. I have seen & done all that I wanted. I am content."

My uncle Jude recently lost his wife, Margie. He had lived so long with her that to live without her is merely existing. During a pause in a family gathering the other night, Jude told me that he's waiting. That he is tired & ready to go home. This kind of statement could be such a sad one except that it just isn't. Of course he is tired! He's in his eighties. He has lived close to a century. And he really did live. He has reached the point, that I someday hope to see, where he can look back at his life with satisfaction & contentment, knowing that he left his mark. Moving on is not something scary to him. It is his reward for a race well run. It is something I believe he is looking forward to.

Probably my biggest fear in life is dying young. It really isn't right for me to live in fear of this, & I honestly don't dwell on it, but sometimes when I hear a sad story of a young person called home, I find myself praying that my story will not be as theirs. This world fascinates me. It thrills me & excites me & I want to be out in it. I want to meet people & hear their stories. I want to travel to places that will stretch my mind & challenge my character. I want to LIVE!

I want to love. Not just the get married kind of love. I want to love all types of people, the ones that I get along with, the ones that aggravate me, people that have the same beliefs that I do, & people that have no beliefs at all. I wan to love myself. I want to love Christ. I want to love the air & the sea & the mountains & the leaves & the sunrise & the full moon. And I want to love a man that loves me too.

I don't want to go through life at warp speed. I hope I can embrace every minute of every day. Even the not so good ones, because that is what life is all about. I never want to take my time on Earth for granted. It is truly a gift from the Lord & if I trust in Him, my life will be filled with blessings beyond my comprehension.

When I get to Jude's ages, I hope that I am tired too. Exhausted from simply living my life as I was meant to live it, to the full.