Fearless

**do not skip over, this post is not about a Taylor Swift song**

So this is what freedom feels like.
I had no idea.
No clue that I could be
calm.
at peace.
confident.
healed.
Didn't know I had the ability to sleep through the night
I only knew what it felt like to be
trapped.
suffocated.
lonely.
in constant pain.
always thirsty.
always screaming.
I was all too familiar with ghosts from my past.
sleepless nights.
secrets.
shame.
fear.
I wavered on the line between sadness & depression for far too long.
Afraid of what I had done catching up to me.
Scared I would give in to the darkest parts of my being,
but at the same time too weak to turn them over to the light.
Stuck.
Between my flesh & my spirit.
But grace happened.
And mercy.
And forgiveness.
And, maybe most welcomed, a calling.
I was washed clean.
1,000 times over.
Wave after unexpected wave crashing down.
Erasing what had been & what was & what could have been.
The waves took my heart out to sea & buried it there.
Then they brought me a new one.
It was softer.
larger.
more tender.
And it beat harder.
It takes up more room in my soul while at the same time, never running out of space.
I like this heart.
So much more than the other.
In it I find no fear.
no panic.
no pain.
no worry.
no shame.
no guilt.
no anxiety.
Just love abounding.
My new heart came with a calling.
Very clear & obvious to me.
I am no longer weak for His spirit is strong in me.
I can go confidently now.
Life is not the enemy anymore.
For the old is gone & the new is come.
I have become free.
and fearless.