How to be a better human

I've moved.
Just about a mile away from my old place, but I feel like I'm in a different world!
My little apartment is one of two that just sit right on top of one another in an old house.
It is quaint & charming, just like me;)
I have a little side porch, exposed rafters in the living room, & beautiful glass doorknobs on all the doors!
Yes, it's old, but I prefer most things to be that way.
The best part is that I turned one of the two bedrooms into my art studio!
My big yellow chair sits by a window, all my supplies are organized & can be accessed easily as opposed to being stored under by bed, one corner possess my easel & my paints, the other, my Grandfather's old drafting board! (ps: Poppa has been a cartoonist for 50+ years, He's kind of a big deal)

I guess the best part isn't actually my studio.
It's the fact, that after almost 2 years of panic attacks & fear of being alone, I live by myself & I LOVE IT!
No doing anyone else's dishes, no worrying about playing my music too loud, & mo one around to use up all the hand soap then not buy a new one! (My previous roommates were actually really great people & those are the only little things I could think to complain about)
Anyways, I feel so lucky to have found this vintage place.
I am busy adding new things, painting new canvases for the walls, & rearranging furniture.

I have decided to go without TV & internet at my new home.
It's something I have though about a lot & this was the perfect chance to say farewell to Charter & be free!
I wasn't very connected anyway.
I don't have a smart phone or an iPad or Kindle & the most TV I watched was through Hulu online.
I just couldn't justify paying $60 a month to check Facebook/Twitter, which is almost always depressing.
Instead, I have come up with a list of things to do with all this spare time that I have (because I did check Facebook/Twitter fairly often).
So far, SO GOOD.
I can already see the positive effects that my new list & my scarce internet use is having on my life as a whole.
So here it is:

HOW TO BE A BETTER HUMAN

1. No interent. 

2. No TV

3. Write more letters

4. Paint more

5. Learn to play the guitar (My friend Marilee gave me one for free!)

6. Listen to new music

7. Try new recipes

8. Be outside (I found a book about hikes in the Smokies that I plan on putting to good use!)

9.Read more books

10. Give things away

11. Forgive & Forget (that takes some conscious thought y'all)

12. Be intentional about encouraging others

13. Get out of my comfort zone (How is the question...) 

14. Give things away

15. Avoid TJMaxx at all costs (Nothing personal TJ, you've always been good to me)

16. Run hard after Jesus

PS: I visit the Young Life office once a day to use the internet. It's within walking distance!

Social Media

I am not my Twitter account.
I cannot be defined by 140 characters.
My thoughts, though simple, are more vast than a condensed 2 or 3 lines.
My true opinions & beliefs cannot fit into the square inch box that begs me to express my every thought.
I am not my misspellings or grammar mishaps.
I am not the scattered train of thought that my timeline displays.
I am not the occasional inappropriate joke that I share.
So please do not judge me based on what you read.

I am not my Facebook page.
Believe it or not, I do sometimes take not so attractive pictures, but they have been long buried where you will never find them.
I watch movies that other people would deem silly or dull, but they will not be displayed for everyone's criticism on my "About" page.
The same can be said for my taste in music. You won't catch my Spotify account spilling out my guilty pleasures such as Disney songs or Selena Gomez.
And try as I might to live out the inspirational quotes I have posted, I tend to fall short of my high aspirations.

I am not my Pinterest account.
How I dream of being as daringly stylish as the models portrayed in my Cyber Closet board.
But God has not blessed me with money to throw it away on what doesn't really matter.
I do not live in a house with detailed tiling, perfect lighting, & heated tiles in the bathroom.
But I am oh so thankful for air conditioning, a refrigerator, & a studio to paint in.
No matter how many recipes I pin, I am no chef.
At that matter, I am no fitness genius either, but I have done a good job of collecting routines that never get done.

I am not my Blog.
It is my tendency to display here some of my deepest emotions which may have you believing I hail from "Crazy town".
Or even worse, that I am some pious, close minded, religious freak who esteems herself far beyond reality.
When truly I am a simple girl trying to figure out life just like anyone else.

So come to any conclusion that you wish to draw, but remember that even after combining all these different social medias, that as a human being, I am so much more than the internet allows me to be.
And in a world where almost nothing is private, I choose to keep many things to myself.
There is something great to be said about mystery in such an outspoken society.

So while I am truthful in all things displayed on social media & am who you believe me to be,
I am also so much more.

My American Dream

"My American Dream...is one in which who I am becoming means more than where I am living. 

One in which the people I am impacting matter more than my title or salary. 

One in which I am fulfilled & content even in the face of disappointment or difficulty, 

& know I am loved even when circumstances say otherwise."

excerpt from an "InTouch" article

School has started back!! 

I'm back in the zone.

Coffee dates before the doors open at East high.

Lunches spent holding open cafeteria doors & awkwardly navigating the space between the tables to find my friends.

Afternoons of milling around on the steamy pavement, squeezing in conversations with kids before they speed off to work or practice or a far corner of the parking lot to 'catch up' with their significant other.

Filling the in-between hours writing to donors, making phone calls, hanging out with other leaders, & being alone with Christ.

I am truly living the dream.

My American Dream.

Found this on the Young Life Leader blog today.

It was written by a YL leader turned pastor & I am pretty sure is the dialouge for a really epic banquet video that mimics the well known TV show, Friday Night Lights.

It beautifully sums up what fall, as well as the rest of the year, looks like for us YL leaders.

As long as high school kids mill around at ball games looking for love in all the wrong places...  

As long as they desperately seek an identity based on the opinions of friends and reputation...

As long as kids limp through the stands broken by family strife, enslaved by drugs, alcohol, and sex...

I want to be found- not in the adult section where it is respectable and controlled... 

but right in the middle...where passions, vulgar and profane, blurt out obscenity...

Where raucous and reckless facades hide wounded hearts filled with torment and fear...

Where the price tags have been changed and darkness confuses...

Right in the middle where God has positioned me to shine forth His grace, His Hope, His love and His truth.

As long as there is an enemy who can convince his victims that tomorrow doesn't matter, that harm will not find them, that chains are like jewelry and cool is free...

As long as his lies leave character, soul, and life in ruins- when thrill goes ill and fun turns fatal...

As long as terminal is only a passage word to an eternity of one's own choosing...

 

As long as God has rendered him a defeated foe using the weakest of us to shine a light that pierces the darkest places, that brings rescue to the lost...

As long as the darkness is blasted away by the light of the world- that Light that lives within all who know, follow, and love Him...

 

As long as there is such darkness...

I'll man my post right in the middle of all that chaos, holding my position until he calls another play, and I steal home. 

As long as we stand in such an important place, we must not forget what it means to be salt and light in this tasteless and dark generation.

Risky Business

It was the last morning we would wake up at Frontier Ranch. I flipped the lights on and got 9 sleepy girls out of their bunks. We had our last cabin event that morning and surprisingly enough, they didn’t hate me for waking them at six am. We slowly made our way up the mountain to the rappelling site.  They had been so excited all week to strap into the harness and leap off the 130 foot rock face. So excited until they got to the top.  Heights always look a lot different when you are standing at the top instead of the bottom. A few girls eagerly grabbed helmets and began to practice the motions of the descent. “Hold onto the rope in front of you with your right hand and with your left, pull it out beside you, keep your feet out in front at hip level, and take big jumps away from the rocks,” were our instructions. Down they went, one by one, disappearing over the side of the platform that jutted out into the sky.  One of my friends hadn’t spoken a single word since we had arrived at the top.  She simply clung to the railing and peered over the side of the cliff into the empty space below her.  “Haley, you’ve got this!” I told her, “You conquered the ropes course two days ago, so I have complete confidence you can do this too.” It took much more encouragement, but Haley eventually let me help her into a harness and made her way to the edge of the platform, then over, and down. Everyone was so proud of themselves by the time they had both feet on the ground again. They looked back up the rock face, in awe of what they had accomplished. It wasn’t just the rappelling, it was the ropes course, the giant swing, the horses they had ridden, the ridge runners they drove at full speed, and the conversations they’d had with me and with their Savior. They had risked and overcome so much all week.  

Risk. I never thought of myself as a person who much enjoyed taking risks.  I sat on the edge of a 60 foot cliff and watched friends flip off into the lake beneath us. I drive the speed limit. I have no desire to skydive. The next adrenaline rush has never been something that I sought after. However, I have found a risk that is worth the taking. “It is right to risk for the cause of God”, claims John Piper in his book, Don’t Waste Your Life. The risk to give life away, to put others first, to proclaim the gospel to a generation that seeks only what is popular not what is true, is the most worthwhile risk I can imagine.  And it is most definitely a risk. The Gospels plainly tell me that when I choose to be a disciple of Christ, I will face hardships and persecution. I will not be understood by many peers or even family members and definitely not by the world. But because I know what my Savior has done for my life and because He has so obviously shown Himself to me the past four years through Young Life, I am going to risk it.

I want to be honest with you. I began looking into other careers this past Spring because I was feeling insecure about my income and my future. However, the more interviews I sat through, the more clearly God spoke to me. It was not time for me to end my ministry with Young Life. Everything felt wrong. Everything except sitting with my high school friends talking about Jesus. Everything except Bible study with the other Young Life leaders here in Morristown.  

Everything except the sound advice and encouragement I was receiving from the McMinn’s, the YL directors in our area. God backed me up on this.  He did not open a single door except the ones that would keep me here.  I went to camp not knowing how I would pay rent or bills when I got back, but He provided two different jobs that I actually really enjoy to get me through the rest of the summer. I even found a new apartment just a few days before my lease ran up at my old house. His timing is impeccable.

Psalms 63:3 states, “Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you”. To me this simply means that sharing Him, or praising Him, to others, is much more important than worrying about what life is going to throw my way in the future or comparing my life to the lives of my peers. I also think of Matthew 6:25 which reminds me, “Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”  I would love to share with you another quote from John Piper.  I have been reading his book, Don’t Waste Your Life this summer and have found it to be incredibly inspiring. Here is what Piper has to say about faith that requires risk:

This is the faith that frees us to risk for the cause of God.  It is not heroism, or lust for adventure, or courageous self-reliance, or efforts to earn God’s favor.  It is childlike faith in the triumph of God’s love -- that on the other side of all our risks, for the sake of righteousness, God will still be holding us.  We will be eternally satisfied in Him.  Nothing will have been wasted...If we walk away from risk to keep ourselves safe and solvent, we will waste our lives.

By being part of Young Life staff Christ has taught me the importance of, as well as given me fulfillment in, being satisfied in Him. I do truly believe in the triumph of His love, especially when it comes to shining my little light in the darkness of Morristown. My single passion is to share the gospel with high school kids in order to help them meet Jesus. Being on Young Life staff is the best way I know how to do this. I wish it was possible for you to see the light in my friends eyes after camp this year.  They heard the gospel preached as never before and their lives have been totally altered.  They are no longer comfortable living in sin.  We have been meeting at my house every Sunday night since camp to dive into the Scriptures together. They are learning so much about His love for them, of how He finds them worthy when no one else does, and how pursuing a life with Him is greater than any other relationship they are letting fill them up. It is a beautiful thing and is my favorite part of the week. I am willing to risk it all for more moments such as these.