September 7 2013

There are times in life when you can no longer just talk the talk.
When things get hard, we have to decide, do I truly believe what I say I do?

Savanna has been a friend of mine for going on 5 years now.
Watching her & her friends grow up has been one of the most precious gifts of my life.
I don't think I will ever love anyone the way I love my YL girls.
I know that for sure now, now while we are sitting by her side in the hospital.
Painting her nails, braiding her hair, buying her Fazoli's because she loves alfredo & the hospital food is gross.
Savanna can't move her legs. She can't even feel them.
I was in the room when the doctor showed us the MRI shots of her spine, or where her spine should be.
After looking at those pictures, there is no more hope that it was the swelling causing temporary injuries.

Thursday night, Savanna & the 3 boys she was with dropped 150 feet off the side of a mountain on their way home from Max Patch in North Carolina.
She says she felt her back break & the lower half of her body go numb.
Some of her ribs fractured & one lung collapsed.
She says she was certain she was going to die.
By the grace of God she didn't.

I don't know if it's all the pain meds, or if she is still in shock or if she is just in denial, but the hardest part right now is that she doesn't understand whats happened to her.
She is acting like it's a broken leg.
Like the brace she is wearing is completely temporary.
And 'going to rehab' means learning to walk again instead of learning to live life in a wheelchair.
I have to stand by her bed, make her laugh, & hold the hands of her other friends & leave her in this place of uncertainty while our lives go on as usual.

This is the hardest thing that has ever happened to us.

I do really believe what I say I do.
Now more than ever.

People are constantly saying "God will never give you more than you can handle".
But guess what?
That contradicts scripture.
Repeatedly.
God absolutely gives us more than we can handle so that we search him out & depend on Him as we should to get us through these things.
I don't know the right things to say to Savanna or her friends.
I don't know how to help myself sleep through the night.
I don't know how to find the money to pay all the medical bills.
I don't know how to fix this...

But I know the One who does.