Running a Marathon

When we were sophomores in college, my friend Holly & I decided we were going to become runners.

So we started going running a couple afternoons a week. 

Luckily, our legs are about the same length & we had both been high school athletes, so while we were currently not in the best of shape, we could easily keep pace with one another.

A couple minutes of running the straights & walking the hills turned into being able to run the mile loop around the intramural fields.

We played it safe at a mile for a while then took on the seemingly endless hill we had been avoiding.

After we conquered the hill we set out for 2 miles.

I will never forget the day we ran 2 miles.

Staring at our watches for the last half mile, watching the pavement slowly but surely disappear beneath our heavy feet, & panting so loud we could hear ourselves over our iPods.

We hadn't been smart enough to plan the route ahead of time so we ended up running the last fourth up a lengthy hill.

But we made it! 

I think we felt extra good about ourselves because a third friend had gone with us that particular day & had dropped out halfway through.

Sophomore year was a long time ago. 

Holly & I don't live in the same city anymore.

But I do still run. 

2 miles isn't scary anymore. 

I'm a 3 to 5 mile person now, but it always depends on the weather & the time of day & how my bad knee is feeling.

And I don't do sprints.

I've never been someone that does things fast.

Even as a high school swimmer, I was distance.

After all, they say it's all about the journey right?

The title of this post is probably a little misleading.

I am NOT running a marathon.

Not literally anyway.

I have been thinking about  the analogy of life being a marathon a lot lately though.

It can't be lived as a sprint. It just can't.

Sometimes it is incredibly tempting, but to sprint through life would be to miss out on life.

Even during the bad times when we want to lower our head, put a shoulder to the wind, & get through without feeling much, it's better to keep the pace.

There is a little tiny hill in part of my route that is more of a challenge than some of the big ones.

I think it's because it is sharp & on a turn & in the middle of the route, so no promise of "the end" once I reach the top.

I often tell myself that if I can make it up that hill, then I can make it through every other part. 

I take deeper breaths & I really concentrate on my feet hitting the asphalt. 

I feel my muscles in my legs tighten & my heartbeat speed up.

Then it's over & my body relaxes just a little.

That's how I see life. 

It I sprinted through even the toughest emotions, then I am not really engaged in life.

And I want to be fully engaged. 

I want to soak up every drop of life that I can. 

I want to run this marathon to the best of my ability. 

It's funny because what that means for me, a 24 year old with a degree from a private University, is spending the majority of my time with high school people. ( I don't call them kids cause they would find that offensive!)

It's true!

I find that I am most engaged in life when I am living a life that expresses the love of Jesus to others. 

And my God is a God of laughter & joy.

He is a God that wants me to enjoy the good things he put on this earth & to relish in the happy times.

So here I am, living a life that most of the rest of the world will never understand, so that one day I can say, as the apostle Paul did, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race...I was fully engaged in the marathon of life!"

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Here's some recent shots from my "race"

Dear Bible Belters:

"Faith isn't about knowing all the right stuff or obeying a list of rules.  It's something more, something more costly because it involves being present and making a sacrifice. Perhaps that's why Jesus is sometimes called Immanuel, 'God with us'. I think that's what God had in mind for us when it comes to other people". -Bob Goff, Love Does

Being a Christian is not about following a list of rules, but by being overcome with love. -Anon

When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?"

On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick.  But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.

Matthew 9:11-13

We don't live to put hands and feet on love. When love is a theory it's safe, it's free of risk. But love in the brain changes nothing...love is too beautiful a concept to keep locked up behind a forehead like a prisoner. -Donald Miller

September 7 2013

There are times in life when you can no longer just talk the talk.
When things get hard, we have to decide, do I truly believe what I say I do?

Savanna has been a friend of mine for going on 5 years now.
Watching her & her friends grow up has been one of the most precious gifts of my life.
I don't think I will ever love anyone the way I love my YL girls.
I know that for sure now, now while we are sitting by her side in the hospital.
Painting her nails, braiding her hair, buying her Fazoli's because she loves alfredo & the hospital food is gross.
Savanna can't move her legs. She can't even feel them.
I was in the room when the doctor showed us the MRI shots of her spine, or where her spine should be.
After looking at those pictures, there is no more hope that it was the swelling causing temporary injuries.

Thursday night, Savanna & the 3 boys she was with dropped 150 feet off the side of a mountain on their way home from Max Patch in North Carolina.
She says she felt her back break & the lower half of her body go numb.
Some of her ribs fractured & one lung collapsed.
She says she was certain she was going to die.
By the grace of God she didn't.

I don't know if it's all the pain meds, or if she is still in shock or if she is just in denial, but the hardest part right now is that she doesn't understand whats happened to her.
She is acting like it's a broken leg.
Like the brace she is wearing is completely temporary.
And 'going to rehab' means learning to walk again instead of learning to live life in a wheelchair.
I have to stand by her bed, make her laugh, & hold the hands of her other friends & leave her in this place of uncertainty while our lives go on as usual.

This is the hardest thing that has ever happened to us.

I do really believe what I say I do.
Now more than ever.

People are constantly saying "God will never give you more than you can handle".
But guess what?
That contradicts scripture.
Repeatedly.
God absolutely gives us more than we can handle so that we search him out & depend on Him as we should to get us through these things.
I don't know the right things to say to Savanna or her friends.
I don't know how to help myself sleep through the night.
I don't know how to find the money to pay all the medical bills.
I don't know how to fix this...

But I know the One who does.

All You Need is [Christ's] Love

I have a part time job as a nanny.
Two days a week I put a name card on my dash, sit in two different car lines, & shuttle the kiddos between practices & tutoring.
Today, Grayson's friend Andy is over to do homework.
Only, the homework is sitting on the counter & the boys are huddled around the pencil sharpener seeing how small they can get a pencil & still use it.
I'm in the kitchen making coffee & this is the conversation we are having:

"My grandma lived to be 92!" -Grayson
"That's pretty old," I chimed in "but my great-grandmother lived to be 105!"
"Wow!" exclaims Grayson, "She was like the oldest lady in the whole world!" I think I've trumped the boys, but Andy is sitting on the stool smirking.
"My great aunt was 110!" he states triumphantly.
I congratulate Andy & tell him he definitely wins the lifespan conversation.

But then the conversation turns.
I know where this is headed & am nervous for what's going to happen next.

"Yeh I win!" says Andy, "But I lose too cause my Dad died when he was only 33."
I'm not sure what to say, aware of his situation but unable to find the words to tell him how sorry I am. I finally muster up a, "Yeh, that's too young. 110 is much better."
"My dad is 47 and he's still alive!" says Grayson & I hold my breath. Kids say exactly what they're thinking & sometimes it's not too sensitive.
"Yeh well your dad wasn't murdered." Andy isn't emotional about this. He's still examining his newly sharpened, teeny pencil while talking to us. He finishes up his thought with, "I hate murderers. I wish I could shoot them all."

Something distracts the boys & before I can tear up or give Andy a hug, I'm telling them to stop putting batteries in their mouths.

Andy's family suffered a tragic loss this summer.
While working at their family pharmacy, his dad was murdered by a pill seeking addict in need of his next fix.
Gunned down in the middle of the day.
I knew this about the family across the street but neither Andy or his brother had talked about it while over at the house yet.
I knew it would come up eventually, but nothing could have prepared me to hear an 8 year old utter the words, "Well your dad wasn't murdered."

Even writing this now my eyes are stinging with tears.
Precious little kids that can't really comprehend what's happened to them or what a massive impact their Father's death will have in shaping the rest of their lives.
It makes my own heart hurt for them.
It makes me ask God why.
It makes me grateful that I still have my dad. A rocky relationship is better than no relationship.
It makes me pray, hard, that Andy will find & treasure a relationship with his heavenly Father.

The Beatle's were so close!
They almost hit the nail on the head, but they left out one important aspect in their famous chorus "All You Need is Love".
Because Love itself does nothing if it isn't of Christ.
All we need is Christ's love.
That is the only love that heals the kind of gaping, raw wounds that are left behind when a kid's dad dies in the middle of life.

Christ, come & rescue us.