lately

I have so much to say.
Usually when thoughts fill my head like this it's because I need sleep. And I do, need sleep, but this time I feel as if it's something much bigger lingering inside my mind.
This time, these revolving thoughts will not be absorbed by my pillow.
This time, they must see follow-through.

I have been following the ebb's & flow's of life with little resistance. I don't want to push the envelope, I don't want to get out of my comfort zone, I don't want to find myself in any kind of confrontation or faced with any serious problems.
There are good days & there are bad days.  There is warm laughter & there are cold tears.
Kind of all of a sudden something has changed though.
I can feel it inside of me.

There is an unnerving desire for change, for adventure, for the un-ordinary.
I have become impatient for the next step. I feel as if someone has flipped my on switch. Or that someone higher up has called down to say "be watching, be waiting, be listening, because the plan is coming, it will be told to you sooner than later".
With this situation comes the most bizarre feeling. Something that seems to be anxiety paired with peace.
How can that be you ask?
I have no answers for you.
All I know is that something is getting ready to happen.  That something may just be the rest of my life, but it's coming in hard & fast.

For so long now I have been praying for a disconnect from this world.  And now it is so close I can smell, it. I can taste it.  Soon enough it will be time to grasp it. I am not talking about a literal disconnect, not death.  But a spiritual one.
How I long to care only about Christ & His world.  The one He meant us to dwell in.
How spectacular it must feel to trade in the cares & longings of this world for the peace & understanding of His.

I find myself more content in my hammock on the front porch with only a cup of coffee & the sun warming my shoulders than anywhere else.
I enjoy silently digging into my garden with only the songs of the birds to keep me company.
I want nothing more than to melt away under the hot sun while pouring over pages of beautifully written novels or simply gazing into the greenness that is my backyard.
This earth is fading into the background.
The traffic, the night life, the clubs, the fast pace of the people, all of it is blurring behind me.

Come, Holy Spirit, come. Renew a steadfast spirit in me.
I feel you Lord. And I know you will ask much of me.
What You have started through me, You will see through to the end.
I will wait as patiently as I can & I will trust you.