To Kara & Brooke, on relationships

I am posting this letter that I wrote to 2 friends during the summer of 2014 without their knowledge, but I don't think they will mind...

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Dear friends,

I took your question very seriously. I wanted to share some truths with you. Ideas that I 100% believe. Even if, heaven forbid, Matthew isn't "the one" for me, these words will still ring true in my life. I am bu NO means a love guru, but I have spent 25 years on this planet & a long time trying to figure out when & how loving a man would fit into my story. Hope you find this to be encouraging.

Know that you are deeply loved by me.

Be in Love with Christ First.

Passionately. Wholeheartedly.

And let Him love you!

Spend time together. 

Talk. Pray. Cry. Be all in that relationship.

I can't specifically tell you how to do this because it is between you & Him.

Stop trying to figure out your life & be in love with Jesus.

God is love.

How will you know how to love if you have not experienced love in its purest form?

So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19

But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 3:18

Embrace Confidence

There is a huge difference between faking confidence & actually being confident.

Is there a time in your life when you have felt like you are the best version of yourself? Why?

How did you become her?

Be her every day.

Guys, whether they understand it or not, know the difference between real confidence & the mask of confidence.

REAL MEN want a REAL WOMAN.

Be the woman God created you to be.

Then you will always feel like Beyoncé, better yet, you will always feel like {insert your name here}!

And some day, some man won't be able to help himself.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you. Jeremiah 1:5

Practice Selflessness

You're off to a great start by serving at YL camp this summer.

Let’s make a plan of how you can practice putting others first post camp.

Being in a relationship has taught me that sacrificing for the good of the one you love is the best way to love them and 100% necessary for the relationship to succeed.

Start doing things you'd rather not do.

((Apply this to any & all relationships, friends & family too))

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:1-4

Experience Life on God's Terms

Would you & I be the good friends we are today if I had hurried my life along & pushed my way into relationships when it wasn't the right time?

I can absolutely tell you NO.

Now that I am in a relationship, I am better aware of the time & energy it takes to sustain one.

I've said it before & will say it again, being your YL leader was the biggest blessing of my life! 

So what should you be doing with your time?

You aren't in a relationship, so ask God how he wants to use you right now ((always ask Him this in all life stages)).

Giving your life away is the best way to live.

Seek His purpose. Trust His plan.

Faithful is He who calls you. 1 Thessalonians 5:24

Do the Next Right Thing

Making the right choices is a continual process. And a challenge.

Believe me, I know.

If you're gut is uneasy, don't do that thing!

Say no to the date if he is a questionable guy.

Stay in. Don't go to the party ((less temptations)).

Keep your clothes on.

Do the right thing, then do it again, and again.

And when you do the wrong thing, talk to God about it, tell the guilt to get lost, then do the next right thing!

Work on doing what is right while you are single so you'll be more prepared to do the right thing when you are taken.

He leads the humble in justice, And He teaches the humble His way. All the paths of the LORD are loving kindness and truth to those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. Psalms 25:9-10

Conversations with Teammates

Do you ever get nervous about meeting up with a good friend? Someone who has lived many seasons of life with you, someone who knows you at your worst and your best, a friend who makes eye contact so fierce and so consistent you are equal amounts of comfortable and uncomfortable.

I do. I get nervous to meet these kinds of friends for coffee because I can't hide behind a sweet smile or blow past tough questions. These kinds of friends see past my facade and right into my soul.
No joke.

So sometimes I dread lunch or coffee dates with these friends. At work, I can stay secluded or make small talk, always keeping people at a safe distance. But not with these deep spirited friends.

Today I sat at a wobbly table in the Ingles deli with my friend Brooke. Brooke and I have been friends for 8+ years. She is on YL staff in the area and we used to work together. This is a lady that knows me. I can't hide things from her nor do I truly want to. It's just that she challenges me and brings truth that isn't always comfortable.

Brooke doesn't beat around the bush. We were still standing around the Starbucks kiosk when she started bringing the hard hitting questions. It took everything in me to keep my eyes from welling up and letting out tears that were gathering. I will not cry in the grocery store I told myself.

I hope if you have never been loved like this that you will be. I hope that you have friends who have hard conversations with you, friends who are for you, friends who point you towards Jesus. Brooke is this friend.

Why did I tear up? This is a season of life that is what I like to call a whirlwind in slow motion. Nothing is certain, plans are up in the air, I am not as settled as I would like to be, I have a job but not really a career, and I am trying to give the non existent control I think I posses over my life back to Christ. And gosh time is just moving so slowly. Oh and I am in love with a boy whose life is also in slow motion whirlwind mode. He is in love with me too and we are trying to figure out life together.
Brooke always wants to know whats really going on in my heart and in order to have constructive conversation with her, I have to face the whirlwind. And I so want to have good conversation with her.

I really love and respect Brooke, I love our conversations too. No one says the things she does or gives the kind of advice she can. She sheds infinite amounts of light on things that seem really dark to me and she helps me shake off chains that I am unnecessarily bound by. Boy does she help me feel free.

So what are the magic words that Brooke speaks to me? She affirms me by reminding me who I am which is a strong woman of the Lord. I forget that sometimes and that gets me down, but she tells me that really I am just humble. She also stated that I am a woman that isn't afraid to say yes to God. All I could think was Me? Really? Are you sure?

I learned from Brooke that it's helpful to communicate with people what they are capable of. If you tell someone what you believe them to be, they begin to believe it about themselves. If someone tells you "You're great at bowling" you're going to do it every weekend because you believe it's true. It they tell you "You are good at singing" you're inclined to sing louder and more often. And if someone tells you "You are a strong woman of God" you are going to act like it.

This is why I love Brooke. She knows me. She knows how to encourage me. She knows whats best for me and she is on my team.

Who is on your team?