I used to deflect hardships with the greatest of ease.
I used to have walls built up high enough to keep out pain, sympathy, lots of feelings really.
I used to feel nothing because I expected so little of people, because I had been so hurt.
Jesus changed all that.
Sometimes I miss that old girl.
The one who didn't feel much.
Because now, on a daily basis, I get my heart broken.
Like yesterday, in Sunday School, a 4 year old girl asked us to pray that someone gives her a home to live in for good. She has the prettiest blue eyes & the most infectious laugh. She's in foster care right now & she told me how much she misses her mom. That's not fair.
Or last Thursday, on Valentine's Day, I took one of my high school friends to dinner & we talked about life.
About her parents & how she has never felt like they love her. How she had been sent away to live with family, how her dad only calls her when he's drunk & angry, how her mom can't afford to give her the things she needs. None of that is fair either.
Jesus took my heart of stone & pumped life into it.
He did this so that I was capable of loving others.
I know that now.
He did that for me so that He could love me & that in return I could love His children that have missed out on true love.
If I am loving them, then Christ is loving them.
If Christ is loving them, then their lives will change.
My heart aches on a daily basis now, but I wouldn't want it to be any other way.
Keep risking that your heart's desire is trustworthy...until life becomes what it was meant to be: sheer enjoyment & pure dancing in the spaciousness of love. -Gerald G May
