‎"Every woman, whether rich or poor, married or single, has a circle of influence within which, according to her character, she is exerting a certain amount of power for good or harm. Every woman by her virtue or her vice, by her wisdom or her folly, by her dignity or her levity is adding something to our national elevation or degradation.” —John Angell James

No One Else

There is no one that I have disappointed more often than You.
No one I have wronged as many times.
No one I have so easily & thoughtlessly abandoned.
There is no one from whom I have hidden so often.
No one whose loyalty I have masterfully taken advantage of.
No one I mock or make a fool of as viciously.
There is no one that I ignore on a regular basis.
No one else that I  question so consistently.
No one that I disobey as blatantly.

But...

There is no one who loves me as deeply.
No one who forgives me more often.
No one who waits on my return with arms wide open.
There is no one who desires me more.
No one who is more ready to forgive, forget, & start anew.
No one who understands my heart as well.
There is no one else that truly has the best intentions for my life.
No one else who has faith in me.
No one else who finds me as beautiful & perfect.
No one but You.

There are rocks & trees & water to jump into. It's all so beautiful. 

But I still miss you.

Fanning the Flame

I don't know about you, but I've been slow to get back in the swing of things this semester.  Partly because I've been sick, partly because I've been scared to get back on the horse.
For some reason, I've been lacking the drive & energy to tackle the busy couple months that lay before me.
I needed a pick-me-up. I needed someone to light a fire under me!
I finally got just that.


Today I finished the book I started last semester In the Name of Jesus by Henri JM Nouwen (he is the most fantastic person). 
There were some POWERFUL words in these last few chapters.
I wanted to share them with you, my fellow Young Life leaders, in case I am not the only one that needed Christ to 'light a fire in my weary soul'.
Read them, take them to heart, maybe copy them down in your journal like I did.
Whatever you do with these words, be sure to be encouraged by them!




"Jesus has a different view of maturity than that of the world: It is the ability & willingness to be led where you would rather not go"


"The servant leader is the leader who is being led to unknown, undesirable, & painful places.  The way of the Christian leader is not the way of upward mobility in which  our world has invested so much, but the way of downward mobility ending on the cross"


"It is not a leadership of power & control, but a leadership of powerlessness & humility in which the suffering servant of God, Jesus Christ, is made manifest."


"The loud boisterous noises of the world make us deaf to the soft, gentle, & loving voice of God.  A Christian leader is called to help people hear that voice & so be comforted & consoled."


"He asks us to move from a concern for relevance to a life of prayer, from worries about popularity to communal & mutual ministry, & from a leadership built on power to a leadership in which we critically discern where God is leading us & our people."


"I leave you with the image of the leader with outstretched hands, who chooses a life of downward mobility.  It is the image of the praying leader, the vulnerable leader, & the trusting leader.  May that image fill your hearts with hope, courage, & confidence as you anticipate the next [semester]."

My Pain. My Struggle. My Reward.

Take this to heart & doubt not that you are the one who killed Christ. Your sins certainly did, & when you see the nails driven through His hands, be sure that you are pounding, & when the thorns pierce His brow, know that they are your evil thoughts. Consider that if one thorn pierced Christ you deserve a hundred  thousand. -Martin Luther

Does that seem a little harsh?

Yeh, I thought so too.

But isn't it also completely true?

Why did Christ let himself be tortured, humiliated, & crucified?

Because he loves me.

He gave his life for me....how have I re-payed him?

Not as I should that's for sure.

Last week I posted a poem about perfection.

I try so hard to be perfect which I think is due to the kind of home I grew up in where anything less than perfect wasn't good enough.

I also think it's because I spent 9 years at a private school where the people were so close minded that I would be surprised to learn that they had any original thoughts at all.

No matter how much "progress" I think I have made in my relationship with Christ, I always catch myself trying to earn his attention & his love.

I keep attempting to be good enough.

After all, that's how much of the world views Christianity.

They think us to be stick in the mud, rule following, judgmental, self righteous, know-it-alls. That's the environment in which I was raised.

The one that smothered me & turned me away from a life with Christ.

It's so sad.

But I found the truth!!!

It is not about being fixed; it is about God's being present in the mess of our unfixedness. -Mike Yaconelli

The truth is that he doesn't expect perfection from us!

He expects us to love him, to talk to him, to be with him, simply to try.

He knows we can never be perfect.

And I know all this, however, I continue to beat myself up every time I falter.

When I wander away from his path, when I make huge mistakes, there is still doubt in the back of my mind that he will be there, waiting on me, to run back to him.

But he is there.

And he always will be.

(MIND BLOWN)

Peter denied Christ 3 times through words.

I deny Christ through my actions so often.

But he always claims me. 

Fix your eyes on the Crucified & nothing else will be of much importance to you. If his Majesty revealed his love to us by doing & suffering such amazing things, how can you expect to please him through words alone? -Teresa of Avila

I work for Young Life, a ministry to high school kids.

I love what I do & cannot imagine doing anything else, but it isn't an easy road.

Living in a college atmosphere after graduating is challenging. 

I feel as if I straddle 2 worlds.

Both of which are rather lonely.

I get caught up in the college mindset of having to be busy all the time.

Always having to be doing something fun, or risky, or being surrounded by people constantly.

Too often I buy into the lie that what is most important is what I am doing on the weekends.

My life is not about having the best story come Monday morning.

It's about sharing the gospel with high school kids.

If that means feeling lonely, left out, or out of place, then that is a cross I am willing to bear.

Christ gave it all for me.

Shouldn't I be willing to carry a cross for him?

As the quote above says, if I keep Christ & his sacrifice for me at the fore front of my mind, then everything else will fade into the background.

The most important things in life will stand out to me & I will not give in to all the lies the world throws my way.

Maybe you quit reading this post a long time ago, can't say that I blame you.

It's kind of all over the place.

But it is what I am feeling right now & what I am feeling most all the time.

I am trying to live a life that imitates Christ.

I fail often.

But I keep trying because I know that he truly loves me...especially when I am weak.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look at his wonderful face,

& the things of the world

will grow strangely dim

In the light of his glory & grace.

Cliche end of the year post!

What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet!

It's New Years Eve!

Tonight the world will say goodbye to 2011 & hello to 2012!

I am always so excited to start a new year.

I find it incredibly exciting to have a fresh start & to be able to imagine all the wonderful things that 2012 will bring. 

I'm not really one to make New Years Resolutions simply because I try to make commitments to better myself whenever I feel like I should.

However, after 2 weeks of break, from work, from my usual routine, from my usual people, I feel like it's time to put into play some small daily practices that could work together to make me a better person.

So I guess if you have to, you can call them New Years Resolutions, but I like to call it..... 

Ways to be a Better Person in 2012:

 

Watch Less TV- I had been doing pretty well not watching much TV & I still really don't, but I find myself turning it on to drown out the silence or because I have a moment to sit & do nothing. But, TV is pretty terrible these days. Minus a few of my favorite shows (How I Met Your Mother, Modern Family, SNL) I don't care about any of it! Not to mention we only have like 15 channels because we only get basic cable. I can do things other than have the TV on. Such as....

Read More- Instead of watching TV, I'm going to read books. I love to read! I don't really know why I choose TV over reading! Especially when I have plenty of books here that I haven't read before.  

Write Letters- Who doesn't enjoy getting a good letter in the mail?! Everyone loves it! Plus, it's usually a surprise. No one tells someone they are going to write them a letter. You just do it & send it & the receiver gets a happy surprise! My friend Lindy writes people letters every so often to encourage them or just to say she's thinking about them & I think that's just marvelous.

Become a Master Chef- If you've read any of my blog before, you'll know that I'm trying to learn to cook. I want to be able to make yummy, healthy meals.  I got in a rut of eating the same exact healthy things over & over again until just the thought of eating those foods makes me sick. I need variety! And that means I am going to have to make the time to cook real meals. I can do this!

Stop Thinking- This one might sound a little strange, except to those of you who truly know me.  I think TOO MUCH. My brain never turns off. I over-analyze literally every aspect of my life.  Sometimes to the point of having panic attacks over nothing! It's a trait I inherited from my dad & it drives me crazy. I'm going to work on being very conscious of what my head is doing & making sure I'm not letting it go down some random road to freak-out-town. I'm not in control anyway, God is. So my over thinking is doing absolutely NOTHING for me.

This is all I've got for now.

Not to say that those are the only ways I can improve myself, trust me, there are plenty other things that need tweaking!

I'm feeling good about life & the new year.

Can't wait to see what happy things await me in 2012! 

I Believe Part One

I believe in the colors of the mountains in October.

I believe in the sunset as seen from the Max Patch, where I feel like I can see the entire world.

I believe in talking in British accents.

I believe that singing in the shower is good for one's self esteem.

I believe in long, flat roads that wind endlessly through farm land

I believe that it's important to know your family & to appreciate where you came from.

I believe in journaling.

I believe in front porch sitting.

I believe in card games & cheating to win sometimes.

I believe in staying up late to tell funny stories.

I believe that the world is more beautiful after it rains.

I believe in watching storms roll in.

I believe that live music is one of lives greatest gifts. Moments that can never be repeated.

I believe in the old hymns.

I believe in vintage jewelry.

I believe in waking up early & watching the dew melt.

I believe in drinking coffee. Good coffee. Lots of coffee.

I believe that popcorn is better when you mix M&M's with it.

I believe that a good game of truth or dare is the best way to make new friends.

I believe in painting when you're sad & I believe in painting when you're happy.

I believe in fireplaces.

I believe in that kind of breeze that only blows on the beach, filled with salt & heat & the smell of freedom.

I believe in skinny dipping.

I believe in taligating on Saturday afternoons.

I believe that real camping cannot be done in a camper or an RV. You're going to need a tent. Or maybe just an Eno.

I believe in glow sticks.

I believe that running is the best form of therapy.

I believe in the magic of Star Wars, Harry Potter, and the Lord of the Rings.

I believe that Scarlett sought Rhett out, apologized, & won him back.

I believe in campfires by the lake, with some friends, some trucks, & maybe a good dog.

I believe in funny movies. Not ones that make you cry.

I believe in mischief.

I believe in mismatched socks.

I believe in raves.

I believe that jazz music & rain make the best combination.

I believe that that most memorable moments are the random, unplanned ones.

I believe that life is hard.

I believe that my Savior has overcome this life.

I believe in change.